Things seemed to be going fine then the strangest feeling came over me one day...actually it was Friday (August 1st) while I was writing in my last journal entry. I guess it didn't really occur to me to make mention of it since I was on the topic of something else. But as I was sitting there at the computer typing out my inner thoughts with Jillian on my lap, and Ashlynn and Ellyce playing in the background, I got the strongest (and strangest) feeling like someone was missing. I honestly (no joke) took a look around and counted each one of my children. My heart was pounding; I almost felt sick, like I'd left one of my girls somewhere. But there they all were: 1-2-3 little girls.
I sat there for a moment just looking blankly at my children. Who were we missing? I thought maybe Nathan was hurt, or someone in my family was sick...I couldn't put my finger on why this thought had so powerfully consumed me. Then it clicked. Light bulb. What if we weren't done having children yet? What if "Jack" or "baby girl #4" was still waiting to come to earth to our family? Then I quickly threw that idea to the wayside recalling mine and my husband's words: "we're done having kids".
La ti da...the feeling was gone or so I thought. Saturday was like any other day-Nathan went to work for a few hours while the girls and I cleaned house. I figured after we cleaned up we'd head out somewhere so the girls cleaned up their rooms and put their toys away while I actually managed to clean all three bathrooms, vacuum the house, finish some laundry, start some laundry, and take a shower before 10:30 AM. (Jaw dropping moment). So when Nathan came home we headed to the grocery store for some much needed shopping (we were pretty much living off of peanut butter and honey sandwiches) and some enjoyable family time. After we headed home, Nathan headed off for a boys night out (dinner and a manly movie). The girls and I were planning a fun filled evening ourselves consisting of watching the BARBIE DIARIES movie, playing dress up, and painting our fingernails/toenails. So I popped in the movie, made some delicious popcorn, and sat down to have some "girl" time when WHAM! the same feeling came back to me. Once again I looked at my girls: 1-2-3 little girls. I just couldn't shake this sensation that I had misplaced someone...crazy.
Today was tiresome but enjoyable once we headed to church. Nathan had to play the organ for sacrament meeting-which is so nice to be able to hear him play (he is so amazing). While he was playing the prelude hymns, Ashlynn's friend, Sydney, from primary class came over to color with us for a bit before the meeting started (a normal occurrence). I looked at the four girls on the bench and just admired how sweet they were being (and how reverent too). Then once the meeting started, and Sydney went back to sit with her family, that strange feeling came over me. Except this time, I felt it in my heart. It was just saying SOMEONE IS MISSING. I cannot give an answer as to why this feeling keeps coming to me, but in order for me to truly understand what needs to be done I know that I must put all of my faith in my Savior. He knows what my family needs-I know He will answer this burning question that continues to dwell within my heart. Who are we missing?
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